Sunday, October 28, 2012

Halloween Horrors: The Five Truly Horrible Halloween Costumes

I am the first person to tell you that Halloween is awesome.  It just is.  There are costumes, you get to stay up late, and best of all, there is free candy.  But over the years, some costumes have taken a turn for the worse.  There are the ones that are too slutty revealing, the ones that are far too scary (there are kids around), the ones that are more than a tad inappropriate (again, children people) and the ones that are so poorly done you wonder if they even remembered it was Halloween until this morning.  So, to ensure that none of my lovely readers fall into any of the above categories, here are my rules for having a good Halloween costume:
1) Plan ahead; I always start my costumes at least a month or two before Halloween
2) If you're making your own, make sure not to get too ambitious
3) Never show any bra straps, never wear something see-through, no sky high slits, and please people, no tube tops unless you are being a disco dancer, in which case, it better be a pretty modest tube top
4) BE CREATIVE!!!! Obviously if you go for a basic costume no one is going to be revolted, but this is a holiday for having fun so try to think of something original
5) If your mom would die if she saw what you were wearing, don't wear it

And now, the five worst costumes that I found while browsing Google (at least, the ones that didn't feature content so offensive I wouldn't dare to post it on this page):

Where effort goes to die.
Please do not dress your child up as a toilet, it's only setting him up for failure.

The sad part was this wasn't a costume.... (and I know someone out there is going to be Honey Boo Boo for Halloween, and if you are that somebody, please understand that you are encouraging THIS! And then go have some fun because we all REDNECK-inize that the show is pretty darn hilarious)
What is it with people? Halloween is I time to be scary-gross, not to literally make me want to vomit! Human waste stained pants should be left to the babies.

Believe it or not, there were tons more where that came from.  I'm talking completely inappropriate racial costumes, bestiality and, yes, prison rape.  Please people, keep it PG!